In fairness to you and me, how do we respect me and you? Got rules? Got boundaries?
Listen to Audio of “Paradigm of Respect” Here: 2013_9_11 Paradigm of Respect
[sc_embed_player fileurl=2013_9_11 Paradigm of Respect]
Cat: This is a good time as people are trying to get schedules together, whether for new school, or new jobs, or maybe someone’s got a new relationship or something. Just to talk about respect. So, I am going to ask a few different people I know and give you some input on what their ideas are.
So, Rick, you were just talking about respect. And you were talking about when you were with some people who said, “Rick, why do you always following the rules?” What was it you were just telling me?
Rick: I was saying that in life, or human life, at least it is important to respect each other. It is important to do so, because, say for example: You are coming up on a red light and you stop at the red light. What you are effectively doing is respecting the person who has a green light. You are respecting that you do not want to put yourself or that other person in the hospital or cause them to have car repair fees, etc. And vice versa, when you have a green light, you are hoping that the other person (at the red light) is going to respect your need to not get into an accident either.
Cat: So, what I hear you saying is that understanding the rules means that you are showing respect to people and it sounds like it is in regards to safety and agreement, so that everybody gets the opportunity to do what is important to them and to trust that they will be okay in the process.
Rick: Right. So, really, following the rules isn’t just for squares, following the rules is for people who care about other people.
So, for example: If you follow the rules you get to purchase a new iPhone. It seems strange, but without people respecting each other and the workforce, or in communications, or even just driving a freight truck on the freeway to deliver the iPhones, you cannot live the way you live without respecting other humans unless you wish to be a solitary individual. The world is about collaboration and it is about respect.
Cat: Hmm. Well, it is interesting when you talk about that, because I heard a number of ideas and it also reminds me that there is something called “boundaries.” And when I think about boundaries, you know, I think about countries that have borders. I think of people who have certain ideologies such as maybe there are boundaries between men and women whether they are single or married. There are boundaries between friends. You don’t cross a person’s boundaries when it involves respect, but it is also a matter of co-operation and collaboration and things like that.
So time. Is there something about respecting the boundaries of time?
Rick: I suppose. I think though that the traffic light analogy could be applied to many other aspects of life. In this case you can apply that analogy to just about anything to do with temporal reality and anything in between. It is just an example of why respect is so important.
Cat: Well, I remember when I had a friend who was talking about wanting to stop eating food from one of the junky places that just serves fried food and fast food. And as hard as it was for them to stay off of it, they needed other people to respect that option. And I remember when they said it was really important to a person that they were with, that they go and get this specialty junk food thing that had a special deal on it. And they said, “Well, I cannot eat there because it has fried food and I cannot eat that kind of food.”
And the other person said, “Well, I have a coupon!” I guess that is a sign of respect to when people make choices about their food too, huh? (Note: One person has dietary restrictions and the other person wants to save money. Both are legitimate values.)
Rick: Yeah, it is all about respect. Perhaps you think that you are doing something nice, but in reality it might not be the case. In some cases it may be best just to ascertain what the (other person’s) needs are. So, just ask: “What are your needs?”
Cat: Hmm. Now talking about things we put in our bodies, you also mentioned you know when you were back at school and someone said, “Well ,Rick, why do you follow all the rules?” And they were young … younger and maybe they wanted to smoke pot or drink alcohol or something like that. And what was it that kids asked you? I mean, you were an RA right? So you were the person that the kids came to, the Residential Assistant. Well, what was it that the kids asked you?
Rick: They would just ask me, “Why do I follow the rules?” And then I would explain to them that Traffic Light analogy and I would explain to them why the students need to respect each other. And for example, I would not want to be living in a residence hall and someone disrespects my home, because that is what a residence hall is, it is a home. And everyone in there is sharing a home, so it is important to respect their needs to not have drunk students running around every weekend and causing trouble (for their safety).
Cat: Sounds like a safe thing.
Rick: Yeah, it is about safety and respect.
Cat: Yeah. (Rich just walked in the door.) Hey, Rich, we were just talking about respect, did you want to put in a word in on respect?
Rich: Respect I haven’t had my coffee yet. (sigh)
Rick: I will respect his need to have coffee.
Cat: We will respect your need to have coffee.
Well, at this point, we are just going to let you go on and consider what that (respect) really means for you. It is possible that respect might have a certain definition in your mind. And there might be some boundaries that you would like to make sure that you have with some people. And those areas can involve anything: from time, to space, to what you consume, to activities, to even … really how much people share their thoughts and their beliefs, and expect others to take the same ones on.
It’s A Paradigm: What beliefs do you have regarding respect?
Rich: A pair of dimes. 20 cents
Cat: Okay, thank you very much!
Rich: This early I can add.
Okay, and good luck! Have a good day with your paradigm on respect and boundaries. And in fairness to you, and to me and to everybody, I hope it works out for you all! This is Cat!
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