rock in hand“As solid rock is not shaken by the wind so the wise are not shaken by blame or praise.” This is a Buddhist saying. This is a short and lovely way to explain how to have confidence in your actions.
“Pay no attention to ill-natured remarks about you. Simply live so nobody will believe them. Disordered nerves and bad digestion are common causes of back-biting. (Your actions will shout the truth and drown out whispered lies.)  Yes, my English Grandmother’s Tip 9 is the topic in “How to Get Along With People.” How does that feel inside?
Realizing that my grandmother was a stoic and generally discrete person, and acknowledging the importance of:  1) Never tattling, 2) No boasting, and 3) Speaking truthfully, this statement rides high in the mountains of my mind.
People all have their own intentions. Who knows why others say what they do? Only them. In the moment, in the context, it might make sense, but later it could be questioned … even by them. Remember that this tip (9 – your actions will shout the truth) was on a list that originated with Ann Landers before the 1960’s, so she was pulling advice to be good for the masses of thoughtful people who may have had this very question.  This question is still asked.

Why do people say ill-natured remarks?

Wait! What does that mean?
Ill-natured is an adjective which means “not friendly, malevolent, spiteful, cross, surly and generally having an unpleasant disposition.”
We have all read or heard about political candidates who say something “sleazy” about another candidate (even though it is not true) to besmirch them, dissuade the public, or make a candidate look less honest. We could wonder when we hear a person say something ill-natured … “What is that person’s intention?”  If you can see their face, watch them. See where their eyes go, notice their hands, and listen to the tones and inflections in their voice. Did their face change color?
Ask them where they got their information.
The Supreme Court in Ohio is considering whether “mudslinging” or “false accusations” made during an election can be considered a crime. This is known as Negative Campaigning.  In this day and age … 2014 … why is this questioned? Would it have been questioned prior to the 1960’s?
In terms of your actions, be your highest and best possible you! Becoming you is something for which only you can take responsibility. We may not be able to control everything that happens to us, but we can control our response.

What to Do When You Hear a False Accusation

Sad-WorriedFirst … cry. Ok, best to do that in private. “Crying is a response to shock.” This was explained to me by Dr. Marci Nemhauser, one of our co-trainers in “Growing Coach Training.” Crying is a response of your mind and body. So, don’t be surprised if tears well up when you feel shocked and stressed.  Go ahead. Let yourself go off in private and in whatever way works for you get it out of your system.
Our response will be different based on how we feel at the time.
When you are in a good mood you can easily say, “Well obviously that isn’t true.”
When you are in a bad mood you might say, “What’s the matter with that stupid person?
How can you prepare yourself ahead of time to respond when you know your actions were honest?  Be confident. Practice holding your confidence, so you will be in control of your nature.
Let’s take a moment now and consider what you might do now, before it happens. This is called “Future Pacing.” When we think ahead of time about how we can respond to a particular challenge, it is easier to naturally control our response.
Coaching Prepares You
Coaches all know that their job is to help prepare others. In “Life Coaching” or “Executive Coaching” we are walking along side of another person and supporting them in a thoughtful way to stay on track. Have you ever considered what it might be like to consider coaching in your job or as a separate career?

What is Coaching?

You can learn all about what it really is to be a coach in this first week-end… with an experience of also being coached yourself. It is the first module in a series of five. At the end of all five modules, you will be a coach!  What’s better is that you will be given much personal attention, because our classes are usually 6-12 people.  Statistics in learning report that small classes where you have an instructor or trainer who is present with you are more fulfilling than large classes. Apositiva offers small classes with lots of attention and workshops with trainers listening and working with you. We also have new workshops online that give you special attention, too. Yes, Apositiva classes are small, and they feel like a safe haven, a magic space to learn, and provide you an opportunity to really grow! Join us!
Women in BusinessGrowing Coach Training – Begins May 16-18, 2014
Module I: It’s About You
Learn how to:

  • Activate Focus in You and Others
  • Rediscover Your Strengths
  • Begin Coaching Conversations
  • Activate Your Dreams

Sign up today. Call 503-525-0595. Text 503-816-5104.