“Hi, Mom. Hi, Pops. Mind if I stay awhile?” Do you have young adults living at home after time away? How do you do “Home Again” with your kids after college? Here are some ideas on how you can live with more peace of mind.
Times are Interesting
“Empty Nesters” may be re-feathering their nests again. Are you one of the lucky parents? Some parents are delighted and some were just getting used to life in a new way. I’ve had my children come and go through the years, and I’ve learned that this is one of those times when your children need a loving family and support.
- Compassion: Put yourself in their shoes and treat your children with understanding, respect, and love.
- Organize: Find out what they need instead of assuming.
- Boundaries: Set clear boundaries on everything you are concerned or wonder about including: space, food, time, money, car, bathroom time, resources, etc.
- Compromise: Make an agreement and put it in writing. Coach them to suggest plans and then meet half way.
- Be Creative: Brainstorm on home-based businesses or services they could provide.
- Walk Your Talk: Hold up your side of the agreement, and encourage them to be true to their integrity.
Wear the Other Shoe
Consider how it must feel for a newly graduated person. Picking the smart route, they found a course of study, played the admission game of “tests – money – interviews.” Then they did the dance with fickle teachers, long wordy textbooks, and constant episodes of “study – listen – test” and “organize – write – deadlines.” All this for the dream of “being – living – thriving.” After graduation they “seek – apply – sigh” and try again to no avail. Your kids absolutely want a fulfilling and successful independent life.
The past several years have made us all jump higher, but the wall is tall, and the kids are short of cash. So, they turn to the people who they’ve depended on all their lives. You, the people who gave them life on planet Earth.
What’s Your Story?
The stories I hear from parents vary from sad to joyful. Sometimes parents are no longer living together and working hard to make their own way in the world. This can include career-wise, being or looking for a new relationship, or dealing with illness. Remember that you are always doing your best. Be reasonable and offer what you know you have and offer to help brainstorm or find a trusted friend or family member who can give a different perspective.
Guide and support your grown up kids to create a successful story. Stories in life that they can look back on years later, and re-tell to their kids or friends with love and appreciation to “you” who was there when they needed you.
Your young adults may believe a site or blog before a relative. No disrespect meant. It’s just the way it is. If I made an apple pie and gave my daughter the recipe she would probably pull up a cooking site and email me 100 more. So, email a useful site for students … in … say … other countries, like Bubble! Try this useful site. Click here.
Remember that your children may pick your nursing home and care. Help them when they need it and they may pick a place you like. (smile) I also like to think that my children are on their way to a future for which they will be responsible. If I have the resources I try to help, but if not, I am honest and try to help with a solution.
We teach Mind-mapping, a brainstorm and idea generation process. This can open up a plethora of possible solutions and creativity. Coaching and NLP are empowering and supportive, helping you to create the ecological response and act to your values. Our next class is coming up the week-end of December 14th and 15th, 2013 here at Apositiva. We can also do this in private sessions.
If you are a parent with college kids moving home, tell us your ideas and suggestions and we will post them. We have a team of trainers who will look over your suggestions and they will pick the best suggestions and award you with a specially formulated and personalized “Peace of Mind” session just for you. You may come in person, meet online, or on the telephone. Email your helpful suggestions to firstname.lastname@example.org. We are looking forward to meeting you here at Apositiva for your “Peaceful Time.”