Remember my previous blog on “How to Get Along with People“? As promised, here is the second tip in my English Grandmother’s (and Ann Lander’s) list of “How to Get Along with People.
Tip 2 – Make Promises Sparingly
2. Make promises sparingly and keep them faithfully, no matter what it costs you. (We promise with our hopes – break ’em with our fears.)
Promises run along side of “trust.” It’s equally important that we make sure we can do what we say. You might want to tell everyone you meet that you would be happy to help them, attend all their events, and join every group and club. Realistically, you need time, energy, or attention to fulfill promises.
Many of our former students might remember a Certificate wall in the Apositiva Fireplace room. Rich and I posted many (we have over 30) of our degrees, certifications, and organization membership certificates. We also filled a table for every training with cookies, peanut butter, crackers, fruit, every kind of sugary item, and students brought yummy breads and cheeses.
Each organization was a good one. However, belonging to many organizations was wearing us down, because we only have so much time to truly participate. We maintain continuing education as required, but it takes heart and soul to truly give of yourself. We still have the knowledge, but cut back on how many we join.
As far as the wall, we found many certificates on a wall was just that. We cut it down to a few, and if people want to know more, we can pull them out and show them.
The food was quite a beautiful bounty and students loved it. Yet, many times I found that I was the one finishing off the leftover sugary items. Taking them home was nice, but too hard on our body.
Now, we have a couple certificates. We still offer fruit and lighter gluten-free snacks which is healthier. PLUS more room is available for people to relax. Less is more.
How Many Promises Can a Woodchuck Chuck?
Sometimes it is hard to say, “No, thank you.” Yet, if we say “yes” to everyone and everything how can we say “yes” to ourselves? We need time to take care of our business, family, and ourselves. Pick your event promises carefully, so you can be totally present. Especially if you are an introvert. I love training people and enjoy my sessions with clients, and I am an “introvert” at heart. Introverts re-energize in quiet spaces or by themselves meditating, reading books, going on walks, etc. When I give myself permission to say no to some events and yes to others I make better contributions.
Extroverts are the opposite and love lots of activity. They need a crowd to plug into, a party, a shopping mall or a million friends to connect with every minute to keep the juice running. If this is you, you might say, “Yes! Yes! Yes!” However, you might find yourself overwhelmed with promises of work or actions that can’t fit in one person’s schedule.
When you feel afraid when you are being asked to do a favor (and saying yes to it) it’s a sign. Listen to the fear. Run it through your three best friends: Mind, Intuition, and Heart. If you get a hit that says, “uh uh.” Be honest. Simply say, “In fairness to you and me, I’m not taking up your offer this time. Maybe next time.”
Keep promises with your courage to step back and think about it. Saying what is real for you and taking care to promise sparingly will assure you enjoy the promises you make. Remember that less can be more. Know what is most valuable in your life.
We would like to help you. Would you like to see how your “values” organize and hear what to do? (Learn a little NLP in the process.) Set a telephone appointment for a Coaching Value Session.
Learn how you naturally prioritize your values. Apositiva offer several compassionate Coaches of different backgrounds. We also have a host of students who have graduated from our programs that we can refer you to if you have a specific need.
Call Apositiva now for your coaching value session 503-525-0595.
Regarding promises – Mom always said don’t promise other peoples’ time unless they are in agreement with it, too!
Thank you, Karen! You bring an important virtue. Respecting time. Your mother is a sage. You share sage advice. Thanks!